Adam Sandler and his family star in YOU ARE SO NOT INVITED TO MY BAT MITZVAH, perhaps the most Jewish, Gen Z movie of all time. Courtesy of Netflix.Shana tova! Well, today’s blog post has nothing to do with Rosh Hashanah, but it’s a new (Jewish) year and PJFM wishes everyone a happy, wonderful, memorable holiday!
BAR MITZVAH. BAT MITZVAH. I’m 32 years old and, to this day, have still never been to a bar or bat mitzvah. Not one. And I hate it! Well, I can’t necessarily blame anyone for this. I grew up a very shy, non-religious kid in a predominately Christian part of Pennsylvania with very little Jews at school. I became good friends with a Jewish student in high school, but that was past his bar mitzvah date. I first “saw” a bar mitzvah in Adam Sandler’s The Wedding Singer (1998). I first heard about a “bar mitzvah” in middle school when a classmate showed me a picture of him all dressed up at his friend’s “party,” he told me.
“Where was this?” I asked.
“Oh, it was at his bar mitzvah.” he responded.
“What’s that?”
“It’s this thing Jewish kids do.”
“What’s Jewish?”
Yeah. I had NO CLUE.
Years have passed and I’ve now been working at PJFM for seven years where I have seen a ton of clips of b’nei mitzvah (plural of bar and bat mitzvah) in movies. They’re depicted in similar ways. There’s a DJ. A kid reads in Hebrew. The kids dance. The parents sit at the tables and drink. There’s music. There are strobe lights. There’s…more dancing. There’s…more liquor. All in all, they look like a total blast. You can tell why they’re so popularly referenced or depicted in cinema. They’re a big deal, as we all know, if you’re a Jewish kid. There’s an opportunity to film a big, exuberant sequence from a director’s visual standpoint, but there’s also the chance to dive into the true meaning of b’nei mitzvah. You take one step from childhood into adulthood. You learn that the time has come to understand your mistakes and not repeat them. It’s like puberty, in a weird sense, minus the mood swings.
It’s no wonder that we finally have a big, commercially made bat mitzvah movie, YOU ARE SO NOT INVITED TO MY BAT MITZVAH, starring not just Adam Sandler, one of the emblems of Hollywood Jews, but his entire family as well. His wife and two daughters play leading roles in the film. You may be thinking, “Ugh, this is nepotism all the way.” It’s a valid point, except there’s something about watching Sandler’s actual daughters, both of whom resemble him so much, that makes YOU ARE SO NOT INVITED TO MY BAT MITZVAH all the more pleasing. Also, to be fair, I don’t think you’re meant to take this movie all too seriously. From start to finish, it’s absolutely pleasing, the epitome of a cozy Netflix flick to watch on any night except the Sabbath, if you’re observant.
I’ve read a few articles not necessarily criticizing YOU ARE SO NOT INVITED TO MY BAT MITZVAH but questioning how Jewish it’s trying to be. Is it offensive? Over-the-top? I never found it offensive, but it’s DEFINITELY over-the-top. Here are just a few lines from the movie:
“You’re the finest Queen Esther I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
“Did I tell you I was in a Jewish rock band? We were called Exodus.”
“Do something “menschy!”
“That’s the way the hamantaschen crumbles.”
Frivolous dialogue from a frivolous Netflix comedhy? Of course, but come on. It’s funny! There’s never a boring moment in Sandler’s latest film, a comedy I was surprised to see released by his famous production company, Happy Madison Productions. Surprised, I say, because Sandler movies typically have a raunchy, adult sense of humor. YOU ARE SO NOT INVITED TO MY BAT MITZVAH has occasional swear words, some crude humor, and a rather disgusting scene involving a cliff and a tampon (don’t ask…), but overall, this is one of Sandler’s more family-friendly movies that he’s starred in for a long time. It’s also currently the star’s highest-rated film on Rotten Tomatoes and was one of the top ten films on Netflix for weeks after its release. (It maybe still is.) The biggest difference, I’d say, is that this time around, he gives the screen over to his daughters, and they are SO GOOD.
Now, if you’re not Jewish, don’t let the super Jewish humor of YOU ARE SO NOT INVITED TO MY BAT MITZVAH distract you. Even if you don’t get a reference, it doesn’t matter. This is a coming-of-age story, first and foremost, and there’s not a moment that won’t make you think about the sometimes funny, sometimes painful teenage years.
Based on the YA book by Fiona Rosenbloom, YOU ARE SO NOT INVITED TO MY BAT MITZVAH may very well be one of the most Jewish, Gen Z movies of all time. There are pop culture and zeitgeist topics galore.
“Mom, you can’t say that!” one character says in a scene. “You’ll get cancelled!”
Sandler reunites with his Uncut Gems (2019) costar Idina Menzel as married couple Danny and Bree Friedman, parents to two daughters, Stacy (Sunny Sandler) and her older sister, Ronnie (Sadie Sandler). Stacy and her fellow best friend/Jew, Lydia (Samantha Lorraine), are at the age where a bar or bat mitzvah is a weekly event for them. They attend their classmates’ wild, colorfully lit, phantasmagoric parties to adulthood, entering the room while the DJ blasts Lady Gaga’s “Stupid Love.” They’re happy girls in a very diverse Jewish day school, a huge accomplishment that director Sammi Cohen achives in YOU ARE SO NOT INVITED TO MY BAT MITZVAH. Finally, a movie about Jews featuring Jews of Color (plural), not just one or two of them!
There isn’t much for me to add to the story here apart from the fact that while both girls prepare for their bat mitzvahs, trouble starts. They both like the same guy, Andy (Dylan Hoffman), which is a problem. Lydia will betray her friend and then Stacy will do something a million times worse. Why? Because they’re kids. They’re still learning their lessons on matters. Stacy slowly comes to terms with understanding the centuries-old Jewish practice of tikkun olam (“repair the world”) and subtly, as well as obstinately, fixes her mistakes.
Both of Sandler’s girls, believe it or not, have already appeared in many of their father’s films in tiny roles. This is their first time in leading roles, and both of them are simply terrific. They have their comedic deliveries down. There are no awkward moments where it feels like they’re trying to emulate their dad’s schtick. They are naturally comedic and know how to pull off a scene. Sunny Sandler, in particular, isn’t just funny but a very gifted actress with a lot of range. As Stacy, she makes her incredibly frustrating yet lovable, that teenager we all used to be who felt like nothing was ever going our way. I can’t wait to see the roles she takes on next.
I would end this review with an original Jewish joke, but I think YOU ARE SO NOT INVITED TO MY BAT MITZVAH took every one of them from the books.
YOU ARE SO NOT INVITED TO MY BAT MITZVAH is now available to stream on Netflix.