Matchmakers Aleeza Ben Shalom, Michal Naisteter, and Danielle Selber discuss love and dating in Tribe 12’s superb new podcast. Courtesy of THE YENTAS.DATING. Just thinking about the word makes me go, “UGH.” I don’t think I’m alone when I say that it’s incredibly difficult. It’s incredibly annoying. I used to say that COVID-19 made dating ten times more complicated. Well, that’s incontrovertible, but regardless of a global pandemic, trying to find your one-and-only is still and will always be nerve-racking, nail-biting, and just so darn frustrating to practice for many people, myself included. I think the fear of not falling in love worsens the older we become. Not too long ago, a good friend of mine and I were out getting a drink at night. We were talking about girls, and he tried to give me solid advice.
“It’s OK, Matt,” he told me. “You could be 50 and fall in love. You just have to give it time.”
50?! 50?!?! I have to wait until I’m 50 to potentially fall in love?! Indeed, dating, romance, love, intimacy, the dating apps, etc. all of it gives a lot of singles like me immense anxiety. To alleviate the stress, sometimes we just need a little advice, some easy, caring words of wisdom that make us bring our chin up and go, “Yeah, you’re right. I’m OK. Dating is so hard, but I can work on it.” Right now, in the endless spectrum of digital media, there is new podcast presented by Philly’s own Tribe 12. It’s called THE YENTAS, and if you’re looking for love like me but are frustrated or on the precipice of giving up, you MUST listen to this series. This is a limited show by three incredibly intelligent Jewish matchmakers whose insights brighten our days and boost our sense of self-worth. These “yentas” understand the difficulties of dating like the back of their hand, and they want you to know one thing: everything will be OK.
The Oxford definition of “yenta,” a Yiddish word, translates as “a woman who is a gossip or busybody.” (It’s also just a woman’s name.) A yenta isn’t exactly the correct word to describe the occupation of a Jewish matchmaker. Shadchan is the name for that job. Nevertheless – and I never thought I would get to use this in a sentence – “shadchan yenta” a lot. Yenta! This is my new favorite word, and for the sake of this podcast, these women are OK if you call them that. Don’t feel nervous by listening to a podcast where women yenta since “gossip” may sound like a negative thing for some folks. These ladies don’t gossip about trivial things but the serious topic of getting into a romantic relationship. They talk a lot, and not enough, in my opinion! Episodes of THE YENTAS are usually under 30 minutes, and in every episode, I’m completely blown away by these yentas’ positive input. Anyone who is feeling down or hopeless in their romantic lives, anyone who feels like the sun will never rise for them and beshert (the Hebrew word for “destiny”) is a fantasy, needs to give these ladies a chance. It’s never too late to keep searching for romance.
So who are these wonderful yentas? The first one is Aleeza Ben Shalom, and she is now internationally known for her hit new Netflix series, Jewish Matchmaking. A Philly girl now living in Israel with her family, Aleeza is more than charming. Her smile and giggly sense of humor is infectious, and her guidance on dating is as appreciative as possible. If you’re as big a fan of her as I am already, you can also listen to her on her other podcast, Matchmaker, Matchmaker, along with co-host Rabbi Yisroel Bernath.
Joining Aleeza is Michal Naisteter, a firm believer that “where there’s a will, there’s a way.” With a graduate degree in Human Sexuality, Michal has this natural ability to solve any position someone is in romantically, from a shy dater to someone heartbroken over a break-up to even someone who just isn’t sure if dating is right for them. She’s so popular that she even made an appearance on FOX 29 News Philadelphia this past Valentine’s Day.
The final host of THE YENTAS is Danielle Selber, Tribe 12’s very own “in-house matchmaker.” With a Masters in Jewish Studies from Gratz College where she did a thesis on current trends in the secular Jewish dating world, Danielle, an American-Israeli with Moroccan Sephardic roots, created a matchmaking initiative for the organization back in 2017. Since then, she has helped assisted in helping hundreds of people looking to date in the Philadelphia Jewish community.
In every episode of THE YENTAS, the ladies take a pre-recorded question from an anonymous caller and discuss ways to resolve their situation. Everyone, single or in a relationship, has an qualm, anxiety, or curiosity about romance. Hearing these callers reminds me that we’re all human, and we all are in the same boat when it comes to dating. It’s tough, and it’s OK to admit that. These yentas can’t fix a problem with a snap of their fingers because no one can, but their kind, deeply considerate advice is an act of kindness in itself. And to make things even more friendly, these shadchan always end their episodes with Aleeza doing a special blessing for the caller.
What’s some meaningful advice I’ve taken away from THE YENTAS so far?
“When [online dating] has worked for people, usually people write a lot,” says Aleeza in the first episode of the podcast. “I see people’s profiles, and they’re robust. They’re full. They talk about their passions, what they’ve been doing, what they love, what makes them happy, etc. Don’t tell me, ‘I like to go skiing.’ Tell me, ‘Last winter, I had the best ski trip.’ Give me a story!”
This couldn’t be more accurate. I also see so many profiles on dating apps where the information is so vague. A picture of someone with a one-word description of what they enjoy doing? That’s all? More details, please!
“[Dating] requires such a high level of maturity,” says Michal. “It’s a skillset that you really do have to develop as an adult dater.”
I love this line. When I first started dating, I had no clue what I was doing. I think for a lot of people, there’s this stigma that you have to date to “fit in” or “just do it because you’re getting old and everyone else is doing it.” That thought needs to stop. Michal offers further advice that really struck me: date yourself. Spend time learning more about yourself. What do you really want in a relationship? What do you want to change about yourself before you go searching for love? So many people – I repeat, SO MANY PEOPLE – don’t do this before they date, and they could save so much trouble if they got in better touch with themselves.
“How can we let our experiences [while dating] be valuable for what they are?” says Danielle. “And not just as, ‘who’s the hot one in the room?”
To paraphrase Danielle, when we date, how can we be nonjudgmental towards ourselves and the other person? How can we better approach these naturally awkward situations and move forward with calm and ease?
THE YENTAS may only appeal to Jewish singles because of its title alone, but don’t let that worry you. Not everyone needs a matchmaker, Jewish or not, but we all need advice. Helpful, intelligent advice gets us through our lives. Aleeza, Michal, and Danielle are the conduits to bettering reducing our insecurities when it comes to dating. May these incredible women continue to grace us with their positive outlooks on love!
THE YENTAS is available to stream wherever you get your podcasts.