Philadelphia native Aleeza Ben Shalom, a professional matchmaker, is now the host of one of Netflix’s most popular dating shows. Courtesy of Netflix.It was 2019. PJFM, then called the Gershman Philadelphia Jewish Film Festival (GPJFF), was officed in the Concourse level of the Weitzman National Museum of American Jewish History. I was planning on going to Israel with Philly’s own The Chevra group and required to attend weekly classes, typically held at the museum. One night, a very sweet woman named Aleeza Ben Shalom came in for a special presentation about dating in the 21st century. She was a professional matchmaker, and my pre-Jewish, nerdy personality had a momentary freakout.
“Oh my God!” I thought. “An actual matchmaker. They do exist! Not just in Fiddler on the Roof!”
A colleague of The Chevra introduced me to Aleeza and asked if she could borrow the GPJFF office to hide her jacket. The two of us briefly chatted, and a little later, I friended her on Facebook. Four years later, four VERY intense years later, I should add, Aleeza is now the host of Netflix’s hit international show, JEWISH MATCHMAKING. HOLY. WHAT?!
It has been weeks now since Aleeza’s show debuted on the platform, and I’m still in total disbelief. It’s crazy! It’s absolutely crazy and nuts how the universe works out. You meet certain people in life that you don’t expect to see again, and the next thing you know, they’re on your television. My jaw is still dropped from the first time I browsed on YouTube months ago and saw Aleeza’s face on Netflix’s channel. I’m amazed and so proud that this incredible woman is utilizing her dating skills to help individuals find love onscreen. Even though I only spoke to Aleeza for a couple of minutes and we’re not close, I’m not in the least bit surprised that she has become this successful. She deserves it with all her might. This woman is a GENIUS at what she does.
Now, of course, I understand I’m gushing so much about Aleeza, and this blog post is going to be one-sided. Let me preface by saying something that may offend lovers of reality television: I’m not a super fan. Well, I am and I’m not. It’s a guilty pleasure for me, a guilty pleasure that I never take seriously. I watch dating shows like The Bachelor and Love Is Blind, but I laugh my butt off most of the time. The shows are edited in such a dramatic and campy way that I can’t take them seriously at all. Live break-ups on camera? Constant crying in every scene? Dramatic music? I’m going to be controversial and say this: I think a lot of people who go on dating shows do it for fun and to get internationally recognized. Either that, or they’re just really insecure. I know, not ALL these people are like that. If they want to expose their vulnerabilities on camera and really show how much they’re seeking their soulmate, then good for them. The problem, however, still comes down to the “spectacle” of these shows. How else can I say that they’re just extremely silly? (And if you want to read about some shady behind-the-scenes stories, just do some Googling and you’ll find out some unsettling stories.)
However, JEWISH MATCHMAKING is not at all your typical dating show. Not even remotely. I had my doubts, but everything about this show surprised me. The “contestants” are not whiny, self-entitled, wannabe celebrities who cry and yell and scream at the camera. I mean, I may disagree with what some of them say (I’m sure you will too…), but they’re not villains. No one is a villain in JEWISH MATCHMAKING. This is a carefully planned and respectable series about a host and single people who aren’t in it for the money and glamor. Aleeza, an Orthodox woman, really does want to help you find your beshert (“one-and-only,” technically). I applaud Netflix for stepping away from camp and making a really sweet series about everyday people.
A spin-off of Netflix’s Indian Matchmaking (2020 – ), JEWISH MATCHMAKING has a pretty familiar premise. Aleeza, absolutely charming with her beautiful smile and infectious laugh, meets with Jews of all backgrounds from around the world who are looking for their soulmate. Matchmaking may sound like a sketchy kind of practice for some folks, but Aleeza disproves that with her amazing input on love. First off, it’s important to remember that if you meet a matchmaker, it’s OK if the match they make for you doesn’t work out. And most importantly, you don’t need to marry the person as soon as there’s a connection. This isn’t that kind of show.
“I think the most challenging part of being a matchmaker is helping people to have patience with the process because matchmaking takes time,” Aleeza says in an interview with Today. “Like anything, it’s an investment and something we have to work with very closely to get the results that we want. It’s not instantaneous.”
In JEWISH MATCHMAKING¸ Aleeza makes it very clear with her clients that she will do the best she can to match them with someone suitable, but nothing is guaranteed. This is love, after all. This isn’t like Romeo and Juliet when they first see each other with their mouths agape because of how instantly in love with another they’ve become. In 2023, you need to get to know someone. A physical attraction, as we see on the show, is a good sign, but communication is key. Personality, religious customs, political beliefs, and so many other things factor into a “potential” relationship. Long story short, trying to find love is HARD.
“Finding your person is the hardest thing to do in the world,” says Aleeza. “The most important thing is setting the expectations properly [as a matchmaker] because when people understand the expectations, then nobody gets upset.”
“Understanding expectations” makes JEWISH MATCHMAKING such a universal show. This isn’t just a show for Jews. There are a lot of Jewish terms used throughout the episodes, but overall, anyone in the world can relate to Aleeza’s clients. We are familiar with their urgency to find our own beshert and understand that love doesn’t just “happen.” Aleeza does the best that she can, and every one of her clients, including us viewers, is appreciative of her efforts, regardless of if they mismatch with someone or not. Everything is worth a try, is it not? If it doesn’t work out with someone, it’s not the end of the world. It’s frustrating, of course, but Netflix avoids all and any form of drama in this series.
I could talk about Aleeza’s clients on the show, but that would take forever. I’ll leave it up to you to watch the show and see how you feel about them. I’ll end this post by saying the two biggest strengths of JEWISH MATCHMAKING lie in its diversity and refusal to “proselytize” its viewers, in a weird sense.
Like I said, you don’t need to be Jewish to enjoy this show. Even if Aleeza encourages a Jewish custom to try out, such as shomer negiah (no touching of a partner until marriage), she doesn’t persuade us. It might sound like a preposterous idea – no touching before marriage?! – but it’s only a suggestion. Even I was surprised to agree with so many of Aleeza’s tips on dating.
The diversity of the show is also wonderful. Aleeza doesn’t only meet with strictly Orthodox Jews. (Fun fact: Aleeza grew up secular and became Orthodox later in life.) She meets with Sephardic Jews, Ashkenazi Jews, Reform Jews, Jews of Color, secular Jews, Jews who may not be super frum (“religious”) but do love the High Holidays or challah on Friday nights. I revere Netflix for representing Judaism on so many spectrums because we need so much more of that in the media. Do you know how many times I’ve been told I don’t “look” Jewish? We’re everywhere! And we don’t need to look a certain way.
I do hope I’ve encouraged you to at least check out an episode or two of JEWISH MATCHMAKING. From someone who rolls his eyes at the endlessly egregious reality dating shows permeating our screens, I can promise you this: this one is NOT like the others. And if you are Jewish or not and looking for love, JEWISH MATCHMAKING might just help you out in unexpected ways.
To learn more about Aleeza Ben Shalom, visit MarriageMindedMentor.com. You can also catch Aleeza on Matchmaker Matchmaker and The Yentas, available wherever you get your podcasts.
JEWISH MATCHMAKING is now available to stream on Netflix.